"The Problem is the problem, the person is not the problem."
- David Epston + Michael White
"The Problem" creates stories that change the way you see yourself, see people around you, experience relationships and believe about the world around you."
- Eric Ruffing
Our work together is a chance for you to (re)define your life in a way that supports and strengthens your dreams, hopes & balance for your life.
Problems generate stories which then impose on you anxiety, guilt, depression, stress, worry, low self-esteem, confusion, anger, unfairness, grief or others. Over time these stories become a way to evaluate your self and have you living under internalized guilt and shame. "The Problem" has put on to you those feelings...you are not the problem. Now, why "The Problem" has shown up is only part of your story and not the only way better mental health. It is possible to have sustaining personal growth and change in therapy without starting with your childhood, your earliest traumas or who was good or bad to you. "The Problem" just needs a different approach and understanding of how to work with it.
I'll collaborate with you to find the space for you to re-discover, find pride, (re)create skills, understanding, abilities and mental space for you separate the effects "The Problem" has had on how you see yourself and those around you. A new sustainable & happier life story can emerge that supports who you are, your dreams, goals, assets, culture and future.
By starting with what The Problem is doing to your relationship (not what is wrong with with either of you) so we can stop the blame and debate cycle. We are all then free to place efforts, energy and learning on collaboration against The Problem story. Finding out what the relationship has lost? What the relationship needs? Is capable of? and What dreams you have for its future? allows us all to discuss how to get where you want to go not what's wrong with either of you.
We will focus on evaluating how "The Problem" is limiting your relationship and how it is influencing each others behaviors and communication. Couples usually come in feeling stuck on how to fix the problem that has changed what once was. I believe you both have made your best effort to solve these problems but feel stuck, frustrated, confused, or angry. Together we can deconstruct the dynamic that is happening and re-direct energy away from debate and blame. Strengthening the relationship and areas that support each other, your needs, meaningful goals, and future for your relationship.
Introverts, individualists , creators, travelers, entrepreneurs, musicians, writers, seekers, gifted, athletes, nerds, outliers, performers, designers, artists, gamers, outside societal boxes...(as a few examples).
I consider myself in this category: introvert/designer/seeker/meditator/creative/
For 25 years I was graphic designer, creative director, freelancer and small business owner. I spent many years listening to, helping and collaborating with those who view and experience life in creative, expressive, insightful, contemplative, gifted, and unique ways. I developed import skills I still use in therapy, viewing problems as problems, collaborating on solutions to problems, seeing what may or may not be an obstacle...but most importantly in the face of a difficulties or challenges
Does your personality, beliefs, choices, dreams & path not fit neatly into "normal" life? Do traditional educational, career, societal, religious or patriarchal systems not see & respect you for your talent, your rights and your beliefs? Do you speak through your art, sport or through, metaphor and stories? I have worked with many people in this category who find traditional therapeutic methods such as CBT, DBT, psychodynamic, attachment based or trauma focused aren't for them.
Using a mix of contemplative, Post-Modern and Narrative therapy, social justice and systemic awareness your unique story and experiences are valued, respected and collaborated with.
I'd love to to chat with you. Call or text 949-534-2604 to set up a free 15 min. phone call.